the worst day

not easter pics.
i have a fever of 102.2
skylar has 101.7
we were up through the night.
timbers cough is still bad and he is now vomiting.
they both have diareha.
lot's of crying and mopping.
i have a return of strep and possibly mono.
we are camping out at moms because jereme, 1: hates sickness 2: is sick himself like all of our ailments combined.
plus there is t.v here!
i wish i could say that mom was helping me out and i know she would be if she wasn't at the hospital right now.
she found her own mother unconscious today when she went to get her for an appointment.
she had a stroke sometime through the night and wasn't found until this afternoon. she is unresponsive and in a coma. we are hoping she will wake up and are waiting on more details from a stroke specialist. but it doesn't look all that good.
my heart is heavy and i feel yucki, i am wiping more bums and cleaning up more puke that i have in a long time. i am hot and cold. overwhelmed and alone. and i can not let myself cry as it really hurts my throat.
this is right up there with one of the worst days ever. next to one day on our family vacation 3 summers ago. if you know that story good, if not, even better.

my foundation

i was asked this week what value is my foundation for building my life on? my answer was fairness. i so often find myslef disturbed or wrestling with the truth of things in life that are so seemingly unfair. and these last 10 days have left me a bit side swiped.
haiti so overtly unfair!
big troubles on the home front as jereme is off in red deer all week @ school and then heads home for the weekends. these should be wonderful times of reconecting and being a family. but they have proved to be of great adjustment for all of us. the fact that we cannot easliy move through lifes transisitions is unfair.
early in the week, by tuesday to be exact, i learnt the news that three of my friends were losing their pregnancies. 3? yes 3! (do bad things really happen in three's?) this breaks my heart on so many levels and has me calling out unfair! i am sad for each of thier losses. it all too quickly reminds of our own loss and that of others before these. i am faced with the reality of lifes fragility and how all too often i take it forgranted and vow yet again to stop doing that. as a woman who is so passionate for birth and babies and womb life it hits me at the very core of my being and leaves me with an unexplanable emptiness. kowing that there is little i can do.
and then there is the moment i called for an ambulance to come to my barely responsive son on thursday morning. he is fine after spending the morning at the stollery and though skylar was thrilled to go for an ambulance ride, all the disruption to our already disrupted lives, is well, unfair.
so i am somber, but fine. tierd but living life. i learnt a few years back, nearly three to be exact, that there are things in this life, questions of why mostly, that are not for me to concern myself with. that is what trusting the lord is about. his plans are for good and i know that when i don't know why, he does and that somehow gives peace to my heart.