Tuesday, October 21, 2008

giving thanks for the memories

well, i will have to share eventually, so might as well get on with it. october has officially worn, stressed and saddened me out. more about all the events later. this entry is simply to bring attention to the the man i called papa, who left this world on thanksgving monday. both expectedly and suddenly. it is a funny thing, greif. it has blind sided me and krept suddenly into my everyday moments. i am most sad that he will never again wrap his arms around me or whisper in my ear. never again will we see his eyes light up when they look upon skylar and timber. at our yearly family gatherings, his sweet, silent presnce will not be sitting yonder, taking it all in. grief is selfish. i know he was ready, that he is better to have passed than to have carried on in sufering, yet there are waves that take me the place where all i can see is what we are left to miss. children allow you such oppertunity. looking at death trhough the eyes of my 4 year old full of questions is exhausting and comforting. it has allowed me to look deeply into the truth and the take refuge in the simplness of it all. skylar thought we ought to take our bed time story the the hospital to read it to old grampa and to say goodbye. that was the last time she saw him alive.

" mommy? can we go to heaven today? to visit old grampa?" the words of skylar the morning after he passed. if only it were that easy?!

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