...she is gone.
thank you for your prayers.
Gran left about 20 minutes after my last post.
we are journeying through the next chapter now.
love you Gran!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
time to go
Please pray that my Gran will let go tonight and that we can move on to the next chapter in this journey.
It is hard to see and she has nothing left.
Thank You!
It is hard to see and she has nothing left.
Thank You!
Friday, April 16, 2010
the worst day
not easter pics.
i have a fever of 102.2
skylar has 101.7
we were up through the night.
timbers cough is still bad and he is now vomiting.
they both have diareha.
lot's of crying and mopping.
i have a return of strep and possibly mono.
we are camping out at moms because jereme, 1: hates sickness 2: is sick himself like all of our ailments combined.
plus there is t.v here!
i wish i could say that mom was helping me out and i know she would be if she wasn't at the hospital right now.
she found her own mother unconscious today when she went to get her for an appointment.
she had a stroke sometime through the night and wasn't found until this afternoon. she is unresponsive and in a coma. we are hoping she will wake up and are waiting on more details from a stroke specialist. but it doesn't look all that good.
my heart is heavy and i feel yucki, i am wiping more bums and cleaning up more puke that i have in a long time. i am hot and cold. overwhelmed and alone. and i can not let myself cry as it really hurts my throat.
this is right up there with one of the worst days ever. next to one day on our family vacation 3 summers ago. if you know that story good, if not, even better.
i have a fever of 102.2
skylar has 101.7
we were up through the night.
timbers cough is still bad and he is now vomiting.
they both have diareha.
lot's of crying and mopping.
i have a return of strep and possibly mono.
we are camping out at moms because jereme, 1: hates sickness 2: is sick himself like all of our ailments combined.
plus there is t.v here!
i wish i could say that mom was helping me out and i know she would be if she wasn't at the hospital right now.
she found her own mother unconscious today when she went to get her for an appointment.
she had a stroke sometime through the night and wasn't found until this afternoon. she is unresponsive and in a coma. we are hoping she will wake up and are waiting on more details from a stroke specialist. but it doesn't look all that good.
my heart is heavy and i feel yucki, i am wiping more bums and cleaning up more puke that i have in a long time. i am hot and cold. overwhelmed and alone. and i can not let myself cry as it really hurts my throat.
this is right up there with one of the worst days ever. next to one day on our family vacation 3 summers ago. if you know that story good, if not, even better.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
past, present, future
PAST:
so easter happened. yay! easter. we had a nice low key weekend. jer took the whole off it of which was nice. we went on a prayer walk through the inner city on good friday and then spent the day with mom & bobo. we also celebrated the goodness of jer's school marks. saturday was a saturday if i recall. skyli and daddy went to the service at church, which she loved b/c there were flags and dancing and painting. and then lauren came to sleepover. she was woken at the break of dawn by an excited little girl. so bizzare. she is not usually that excited-up@6-canwepleaseopenggs- kind of girl. we read the easter story and had an egg hunt. went to church, and then to the family resurrection party (that is also james' birthday.)
and we went to camrose for the monday to see the davies3. it was nice. last week ethan visited and the whole thing just kind of disappeared on me before i knew it.
PRESENT:
today i found myself again cursing and running around in a manic state trying to get our asses out the mother f-ing door. i do not, for the life of me, know an easier way to get us going. i prepare, i plan, i get stuff ready the night before. if i get up earlier, the kids get up earlier. if we are on time then timber seems to have this pressing need to de-rail it by insisting on wearing shorts out. (too cold) taking off his clothes while i gather last minute items or refusing some other necessity like a coat or footwear. these moment bring out the worst in me. the mean mommy beast rears her ugly head and i despise that! and the icing on the cake, (literally) is when i grab the perfect outfit that i planned for myself to say 'hi world, i am responsible and grown up, listen to what i have to say' only to go and fasten the troussers and find the button hole just won't meet the darn button. (see previous post and comments section.) onto the next pair, and the next pair... YIKES! i really gotta get this weight back off! Note to self, NO icing today! and then when i find the pants that do fit, i then dig through my massive pile of laundry strewn about my room, (the one room i have relinquished for [what should be] sanity) in search of an appropriate top. more mother f-ing and i am a crazy woman yelling at her children and driving like a bat out of you know where to get skylar to school just in time to get on the bus for her field trip only to run timber in the other direction to his first day at child care. (25 minutes late!)
and it was then,
at that moment,
while i stood in the foyer of the day care, unsure of where to go, what to do, or who to ask for, with bags, blankets and a sweet 2 year old sleepy head in my arms, i lost all control and the flood gates opened and i just started crying. (borderline sobbing actually!) and i felt like a.. like a child. unable to reason with my emotions and not clear on what they were. *sigh*
i wonder sometimes if i will ever get this sorted out? will i get places on time? will i not yell my children out the door? will i make it through a day with out so much drama?
and tomorrow i will make an attempt at it all again. well at least i saved laurens life today! she nearly suffered death by spin wheel. (more on that later.)
FUTURE:
oh the places we will go.
i am trying to be more intentional about where we are headed. where i am headed. i am setting goals big and small for my moments, days, weeks and so on. i am trying to create space and time to accomplish them. i am setting up boundaries and routine and confinds in my day-to-day because i do so much better that way. i like to have a box and work with in it's limits... well sort of, but i need to be incharge of picking the box, it's color, size, material... and the lid needs to stay off.
also the future will have pictures of easter for you to see. i am just too lazy to go get my camera and upload right now. it is midnight.
so easter happened. yay! easter. we had a nice low key weekend. jer took the whole off it of which was nice. we went on a prayer walk through the inner city on good friday and then spent the day with mom & bobo. we also celebrated the goodness of jer's school marks. saturday was a saturday if i recall. skyli and daddy went to the service at church, which she loved b/c there were flags and dancing and painting. and then lauren came to sleepover. she was woken at the break of dawn by an excited little girl. so bizzare. she is not usually that excited-up@6-canwepleaseopenggs- kind of girl. we read the easter story and had an egg hunt. went to church, and then to the family resurrection party (that is also james' birthday.)
and we went to camrose for the monday to see the davies3. it was nice. last week ethan visited and the whole thing just kind of disappeared on me before i knew it.
PRESENT:
today i found myself again cursing and running around in a manic state trying to get our asses out the mother f-ing door. i do not, for the life of me, know an easier way to get us going. i prepare, i plan, i get stuff ready the night before. if i get up earlier, the kids get up earlier. if we are on time then timber seems to have this pressing need to de-rail it by insisting on wearing shorts out. (too cold) taking off his clothes while i gather last minute items or refusing some other necessity like a coat or footwear. these moment bring out the worst in me. the mean mommy beast rears her ugly head and i despise that! and the icing on the cake, (literally) is when i grab the perfect outfit that i planned for myself to say 'hi world, i am responsible and grown up, listen to what i have to say' only to go and fasten the troussers and find the button hole just won't meet the darn button. (see previous post and comments section.) onto the next pair, and the next pair... YIKES! i really gotta get this weight back off! Note to self, NO icing today! and then when i find the pants that do fit, i then dig through my massive pile of laundry strewn about my room, (the one room i have relinquished for [what should be] sanity) in search of an appropriate top. more mother f-ing and i am a crazy woman yelling at her children and driving like a bat out of you know where to get skylar to school just in time to get on the bus for her field trip only to run timber in the other direction to his first day at child care. (25 minutes late!)
and it was then,
at that moment,
while i stood in the foyer of the day care, unsure of where to go, what to do, or who to ask for, with bags, blankets and a sweet 2 year old sleepy head in my arms, i lost all control and the flood gates opened and i just started crying. (borderline sobbing actually!) and i felt like a.. like a child. unable to reason with my emotions and not clear on what they were. *sigh*
i wonder sometimes if i will ever get this sorted out? will i get places on time? will i not yell my children out the door? will i make it through a day with out so much drama?
and tomorrow i will make an attempt at it all again. well at least i saved laurens life today! she nearly suffered death by spin wheel. (more on that later.)
FUTURE:
oh the places we will go.
i am trying to be more intentional about where we are headed. where i am headed. i am setting goals big and small for my moments, days, weeks and so on. i am trying to create space and time to accomplish them. i am setting up boundaries and routine and confinds in my day-to-day because i do so much better that way. i like to have a box and work with in it's limits... well sort of, but i need to be incharge of picking the box, it's color, size, material... and the lid needs to stay off.
also the future will have pictures of easter for you to see. i am just too lazy to go get my camera and upload right now. it is midnight.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
addicted!
Please do not give me chocolate. do not give me anything with icing on it either. i had a good plan and realistic goals about this easter weekend. and i tried to centre my heart on the events and the crucifiction/resurection,
but the sweetie's won.
i am an addict!
the stuff is like crack for me. i think i can have just one. but when there is so much of it around i loose all self control. i have gone off the deep end and i need to come back.(and this will not be an easy swim.)
i probably kissed a few weeks worth of hard work in the weight loss department good bye. not to mention, i did not practice the fruit of gentlesness and self control all that whole heartidly either and that is a sure sign of my problem.
unable to see where the choclate road will lead me and not really caring what i will sabotage in it's wake.
so this is my cry for help. as a general rule,
do not give me sweeties!!!
more on easter in the days to come.
HE IS RISEN! HE IS RISEN INDEED!
but the sweetie's won.
i am an addict!
the stuff is like crack for me. i think i can have just one. but when there is so much of it around i loose all self control. i have gone off the deep end and i need to come back.(and this will not be an easy swim.)
i probably kissed a few weeks worth of hard work in the weight loss department good bye. not to mention, i did not practice the fruit of gentlesness and self control all that whole heartidly either and that is a sure sign of my problem.
unable to see where the choclate road will lead me and not really caring what i will sabotage in it's wake.
so this is my cry for help. as a general rule,
do not give me sweeties!!!
more on easter in the days to come.
HE IS RISEN! HE IS RISEN INDEED!
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