i do declare!

so, my birthday gift to myself was a week of nothing unnecessary. (i am a BIG fan of the birthday week.)
no calorie counting,
no more work than i had to tend to,
staying up late and sleeping till noon this weekend,
and eating whatever i wanted in mass quantities.
BUT...
i declare an end to such frivalties, as enjoyable as all those events were, all good things must come to an end. i do, in fact, crave the routine i often strive for. i would like to use this next month, my first month of my 29th year, to gain balance and consistency to my days. and to my body-mind-spirit while i am at it.

05/25/1982

FINALLY, after forty-three weeks of waiting, i graced the world with my presence. My mom must of had her dates wrong b/c i was three weeks late. yikes! since my babes have come early, i can not fathom 40 or more weeks of pregnancy.
but needless to say, it has set the president for my life as i am still usually running late.

Thank you to all who sent me voice mails, texts, emails and cards. it was a really nice day and i enjoyed it. had a massage (thanks to sweet emma's free babysitting), got gorgeous flowers and a movie night out, saw friends and of coarse ate whatever i wanted in mass quantities!

and the birthday week will continue on. we love to celebrate! but the eating needs to settle down. i feel a bit like sausage.

matters of the heart

so i have been in a funk, right?
things just seem off and not balanced.
well i happen to be privileged enough to have this cousin who is a reflexologist/raki master/yoga instructor/nurse (almost)/great listener/calming. so i asked him to come over and heck me out.
the diagnosis? well, the quick answer is that my heart chakra is out?
YOUR WHAT? IS WHAT? WHAT THE...???
(i don't know what your thinking is on alternative treatment, but i am a convert. though that is a different story for another day.)
anyways, here is a snippit from a web page i googled.

When the heart centre has been fully opened, it becomes the channel for Universal Love; what the Buddhists call Mahakaruna ot "the Great Compassion", and esoteric Christians and Theosophists the "Christ Consciousness". Once opened, the Higher Self or Immortal Divine Soul is able to work through this centre. This is probably why in so many cultures the heart is said to be the seat of the soul.

there was lots of other good insight on this site and others, but i really connected with how this brought about the Christ Consciousness.
i mean, i am not all that surprised that my heart chakra is 'off'. i am glad to have some direction and insight on where to start. so amongst some other things, i am making a list of things i need to do to set right my heart. the list is good, but will have to wait for next week as i am spending this week celebrating my birth, getting the house ready for a party and having a garage sale. you know, keeping it low key.

so i will let you know how the heart to heart works out. cus i am telling myself y'all care so much.

because i have to write something

CELEBRATING: nothing this week. which is odd because we have a multitude of may celebrations including my birthday! last week we celebrated many things, adrians return from war as one of them.
SEWING: the pieces of my life back together. this is taking more effort than i anticipated and it seems i am 'all thumbs'. (and i have a lousy thimble it would seem as well.)
READING (hard copy):not much of anything other than night time stories to the children.
READING ( online):
mostly just things work related. tonight was my first online encounter with the real world in about a week+.
RUNNING:
has been great! i started my 10K's. i am one race behind the team, but have done well. last sunday marni & i did it in 1hr 10min's, and this sunday we ran it in 1hr 5min's. that feels good. it's the only time i seem to have clarity these days. because i am ...
OBSESSING OVER:everything. money, time, decisions, food, children, the house, jobs etc... the list goes on and on and...
THINKING:
too much, i suspect. especially about the unimportant things and not enough about the right ones.

thanks for checking in here. i will post the easter pics some day. and i will get through this. i will! i will!

i am still living...

i am still living. though it is a bit of merely passing through. life's kinda been the shits these days. (i can say that 'cus it's my blog and i am a grown up!) on top of the unexpected death and how it has left my family reeling, we since have had our car broken into, registration and pink card stolen, more sickness, and an MS attack with my Dad. (who is now parked on my sofa.) i have had about all i can handle. if i knew how to link you over to a post i did on november i would but i don't so go searching if you desire. it was about how my family seems to be a magnet for kaos. discussing this with a friend the other day, she painted me a nicer picture by saying,'think of the great plans the lord must have for you? because it is obvious that satan despises you!' so to that i say, HA! despise away you stealer of life, mine can not be taken so easily.
that being said, it is a bit wearing. my heart is still a little heavier than i like it but i am trying to put on a new face for may. i am calling it the month what MAYbe. i am wiling to accept all that comes my way and in the spirit of my gran, i will choose to make the best out of what i've got. that is what she did. she stood firm in the face of life's challenges and said, 'this will be just fine if i make it so.'

thank you for that my sweet marion jones.

this is the letter/poem i read to her at the funeral;

for teaching me...

thank you gran, for teaching me...
to garden,
to help things grow,
to keep trying until you get and to start with potatoes

for teaching me...
to use all that there is to the fruit
to cut away the bruises and look past the blemishes to see all that is still good
nothing should be a waste
to can fruit and preserve the harvest
that i can fit more peaches in by cutting in 1/8 not 1/4

for teaching me...
love is a choice
it is never too late to choose it
i will have to likely make the choice again and again
but that family can not be broken
to make the best of every situation
that it is all in how you choose to look at it

thank you gran, for teaching me...
the importance of tweezing
taming the beast (our hair)
to be well groomed, nicely dressed and presentable

thank you for my...
photographic memory
frugal nature and every penny counts attitude
a desire for a simple life and simple things
perseverance
refusal to conform
and being a night owl
with striking blue eyes and a love of pearls.

thank you gran for loving me!

look at this classic beauty in 1948. stunning!



and this photo of her and i was taken after skylars christmas concert this year. we were at a second cup and i ordered her a vanilla bean. i will never forget how much she enjoyed it and how she was so thriled i refused to accept her order of 'just a small black coffee dear.'



i will really miss her. i wasn't ready to let her go.