i am still living...

i am still living. though it is a bit of merely passing through. life's kinda been the shits these days. (i can say that 'cus it's my blog and i am a grown up!) on top of the unexpected death and how it has left my family reeling, we since have had our car broken into, registration and pink card stolen, more sickness, and an MS attack with my Dad. (who is now parked on my sofa.) i have had about all i can handle. if i knew how to link you over to a post i did on november i would but i don't so go searching if you desire. it was about how my family seems to be a magnet for kaos. discussing this with a friend the other day, she painted me a nicer picture by saying,'think of the great plans the lord must have for you? because it is obvious that satan despises you!' so to that i say, HA! despise away you stealer of life, mine can not be taken so easily.
that being said, it is a bit wearing. my heart is still a little heavier than i like it but i am trying to put on a new face for may. i am calling it the month what MAYbe. i am wiling to accept all that comes my way and in the spirit of my gran, i will choose to make the best out of what i've got. that is what she did. she stood firm in the face of life's challenges and said, 'this will be just fine if i make it so.'

thank you for that my sweet marion jones.

this is the letter/poem i read to her at the funeral;

for teaching me...

thank you gran, for teaching me...
to garden,
to help things grow,
to keep trying until you get and to start with potatoes

for teaching me...
to use all that there is to the fruit
to cut away the bruises and look past the blemishes to see all that is still good
nothing should be a waste
to can fruit and preserve the harvest
that i can fit more peaches in by cutting in 1/8 not 1/4

for teaching me...
love is a choice
it is never too late to choose it
i will have to likely make the choice again and again
but that family can not be broken
to make the best of every situation
that it is all in how you choose to look at it

thank you gran, for teaching me...
the importance of tweezing
taming the beast (our hair)
to be well groomed, nicely dressed and presentable

thank you for my...
photographic memory
frugal nature and every penny counts attitude
a desire for a simple life and simple things
perseverance
refusal to conform
and being a night owl
with striking blue eyes and a love of pearls.

thank you gran for loving me!

look at this classic beauty in 1948. stunning!



and this photo of her and i was taken after skylars christmas concert this year. we were at a second cup and i ordered her a vanilla bean. i will never forget how much she enjoyed it and how she was so thriled i refused to accept her order of 'just a small black coffee dear.'



i will really miss her. i wasn't ready to let her go.